It’s Not Just Stress: How the Fight-or-Flight Response Is Disrupting Men’s Lives
A Note for Men and Those Who Love Them
June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month
This is a good time to bring attention to something many people are afraid to talk about; the mental and emotional wellbeing of men.
This conversation is for the men who are getting up every day, going to work, providing for their families, and quietly falling apart. In addition to the men who feel like they’ve hit rock bottom.
It’s for the partners, siblings, sons, and friends who are struggling in silence.
It’s for the people who love them. Trying to understand what’s really going on behind the walls men put up to hide their emotions.
If you’re a man and something inside you feels off, but you can’t quite explain what or why…
if you love a man who’s withdrawn, on edge, or hard to connect with…
This is for you.
Because what’s happening may not be “just stress.”
It may be a nervous system that’s stuck in survival mode.
The Nervous System: Your Body’s Internal Alarm System
Every human being has a built-in system that helps them detect and respond to threats. It’s called the autonomic nervous system, and it’s responsible for the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
This system evolved to help us survive danger.
When a threat is detected, physical or emotional, the body prepares to:
Fight the threat
Flee from it
Freeze and wait for it to pass
Or fawn—pleasing others in order to stay safe
In short bursts, this system is designed to be life-saving.
But when the body gets stuck in one of these modes; especially for months or years, it becomes deeply disruptive to mental and physical health.
Why Men Get Stuck in Survival Mode
For many men, the pressure to “be okay” starts early. We’re told to:
Toughen up
Be a man
Stop crying
Push through
Stay strong for everyone else
Over time, these messages can lead to emotional suppression. And while men are often praised for being calm, stoic, and unemotional; what’s really happening under the surface may be a chronic state of nervous system dysregulation.
Here’s the problem: you can’t tough your way out of fight-or-flight.
That tension has to go somewhere. And when it’s not released, it starts showing up in unexpected and often destructive ways.
Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn in Everyday Life: What It Looks Like in Men
Here are some real-world ways these nervous system states show up in men. If you’re a man reading this, some of this may resonate. If you love a man who seems off, this might give you a new perspective through which to understand what you’re experiencing.
FIGHT: The Pressure Cooker
This isn’t always physical; it’s also emotional tension and stress that pushes men to a breaking point.
Signs:
Frequent irritability or snapping over small things
Getting defensive or combative during conversations
Rigid control over situations or people
Internal dialogue of “I have to stay in control or everything will fall apart”
Feeling like you’re constantly on edge or about to explode
Impact:
Relationships become strained. The emotional outbursts damage trust. You may start to feel ashamed of your reactions, but are unsure how to stop them.
FLIGHT: The High Performer Who Can’t Slow Down
Men in flight often look “fine” to the observer. They’re high-functioning and always on the move, but internally they feel like they’re running from something they can’t identify.
Signs:
Overworking, over-exercising, or keeping constantly busy
Avoiding conversations or emotions that feel uncomfortable
Trouble sleeping, relaxing, or enjoying downtime
Feeling like rest equals laziness or failure
“I just need to get through this week” mentality every week
Impact:
You burn out. Your body starts to break down. You might feel numb, disconnected from joy, or like your life is on autopilot.
FREEZE: The Shut-Down State
In freeze, the body and mind disconnect as a protective mechanism. It’s a nervous system response to overwhelm, hopelessness, or chronic stress.
Signs:
Feeling emotionally flat or numb
Struggling to make decisions or take action
Withdrawing from loved ones
Zoning out with screens, alcohol, or other distractions
Internal sense of “why bother” or “nothing matters”
Impact:
You may appear lazy or indifferent to others; but inside, you feel stuck and unmotivated. Relationships may suffer, and self-worth can plummet.
FAWN: The Peacekeeper Who Abandons Himself
Less talked about in men, this response comes from a deep fear of conflict or rejection.
Signs:
Saying yes when you mean no
Avoiding confrontation at all costs
Prioritizing others’ needs to the point of burnout
Walking on eggshells to keep the peace
Feeling resentful but unable to express it
Impact:
You lose touch with your own needs and desires. Resentment builds. Your relationships lack honesty and authenticity.
Why This Isn’t Just “How You Are”
These behaviors may have helped men survive at one point.
They may have even been praised by others.
But they are not sustainable.
These are learned behaviors.
And they are not who you really are.
A constantly activated nervous system changes your brain chemistry, impacts your hormones, weakens your immune system, and narrows your ability to think clearly or feel joy. Over time, it becomes harder and harder to access presence, connection, or peace.
And if left unchecked, it can lead to:
Heart disease
Chronic inflammation
Digestive issues
Panic attacks or anxiety disorders
Depression or suicidal ideation
Disconnection from yourself and others
So What Can You Do?
This is the part where most people expect a long list of mental health strategies.
But the truth is, when you’re dysregulated, you don’t need more to think about.
You need a way to shift your state. Not with willpower, but with nervous system tools.
One of the most effective, immediate, and accessible tools is breathwork.
Breathwork works because:
It activates the parasympathetic (rest and digest) system
It bypasses the thinking mind
It helps release stored tension and trauma
It reconnects you to your emotions, without requiring words
It builds capacity to feel, respond, and recover
You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Seek Help
Men’s mental health isn’t just about preventing suicide or diagnosing depression.
It’s about improving the quality of life.
It’s about being fully present with your kids and your partner.
It’s about feeling like your life has purpose.
It’s about trading survival mode for clarity, connection, and calm.
At Rising Phoenix Breathwork, we work with men who are:
Burned out but high functioning
Disconnected but not sure why
Struggling with anger or shutdown
Wanting something more, but not sure how to access it
We offer monthly men’s sessions that provide space to breathe, release, and reconnect on the first Tuesday of each month; but men are always welcome at any of our sessions. You don’t need to be ”broken” to attend. You just need to be ready to reconnect to yourself.
Final Thoughts: You are Not Alone
If anything in this post resonated. if you saw yourself in the patterns described or felt something stir, while reading this. It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you’re human.
You were never meant to carry it all alone.
This Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, we invite you to do something brave:
Not by toughing it out, but by tending to the inner YOU that keeps you going.
Regulation is not a luxury. It’s not a trend.
It’s a birthright.
And you don’t have to earn it. You just have to breathe.
About the Author
Justin Schilling is a breathwork facilitator and passionate advocate for men’s mental and emotional well-being. After years of struggling in silence, Justin discovered the power of breathwork as a companion to therapy and EMDR. This helped him quiet negative self-talk, release rumination, and access a deeper sense of calm and clarity. Now, he holds space for other men to do the same. His sessions offer a rare environment where men can express, release, and reconnect; without judgment, pressure, and without having to explain everything. Through Rising Phoenix Breathwork, Justin continues to support men in discovering the power they already carry within to regulate, heal, and grow.